In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
