im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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