I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
