420 ftw
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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