I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
