Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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