i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
