I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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