It's Friday. Sex?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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