so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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