You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
