I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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