The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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