Can Purell be used as lube?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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