My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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