I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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