i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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