Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
