I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
