Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
