You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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