did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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