okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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