i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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