Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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