apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
