you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
