can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
