after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
