You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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