Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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