Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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