5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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