i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
