census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
