she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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