I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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