just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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