if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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