The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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