I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
