I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
