I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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