Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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