Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
