Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
