Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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