can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Randomize
