i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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