Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
