were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
