I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
