Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
