Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
