i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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