is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
