I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
