Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
