Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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