Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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