It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
