Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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