WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think my moral compass just broke
Someone signed my nipple.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
