TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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